Brigands: Friends have to part,
And regrets are all in vain;
Come, then, take heart
We shall surely meet again!
Leaves scatter!
What matter?
Time passes!
Fill your glasses!
Friendship is brief,
So enjoy it while you may.
Here’s to the Chief,
Who is leaving us today!
All daring!
Naught caring!
Hard swearing!
Baldassare!

Harry Graham (1874-1936)

Beppo: Though folks there be
Who never foresee
That the future holds anything pleasant;
Who grimly cast
Their eyes on the past,
And who gaze all aghast at the present!
The golden rule
For sage or fool,
For prince and poet and peasant,
Is, come what may,
At work or play,
To live—just live for today!

Sing hey! Sing ho!
There’s no time like the present!
Sing ho! Sing hey!
There’s no day like today!

Brigands: Sing hey! Sing ho!
There’s no time like the present!
Sing ho! Sing hey!
There’s no day like today!

Beppo: When man’s depressed,
Not feeling his best,
He’ll lament over yesterday’s sorrow,
And brood, what’s more,
On worries galore
That the fates have in store for the morrow.
Yet man has pow’r
From ev’ry hour
Some gleams of sunshine to borrow;
So don’t delay
But find a way
To make the most of today!

Sing hey! Sing ho!
Take no thought for the morrow!
Sing ho! Sing hey!
Live, just live for today!

Brigands: Sing hey! Sing ho!
Take no thought for the morrow!
Sing ho! Sing hey!
Live, just live for today!

Harry Graham (1874-1936)

Teresa: Ah, woe is me!
The Fates decree
That I should now depart!
They bid me go,
Though well they know
What sadness fills my heart!
But vain are sighs and tears
When in a maiden’s ears
There sounds, like a knell,
The echo of ‘Farewell!’

Farewell! No sadder word was ever spoken
By any luckless maid!
Farewell! The old familiar ties are broken,
The old friendships fade!
Farewell! The hours of happiness I spent!
Farewell! The home where long I dwelt content!
The shady mountain glade
Where once my footsteps strayed!
The cottage where I stayed!
Farewell! Farewell!

Harry Graham (1874-1936)

Beppo: In the chequered career
Of a bold buccaneer
There is nothing so dear as the duty
Of reviewing the spoil,
The results of his toil,
And dividing his ill-gotten booty.
When you open your bag
And you lay out the swag,
’Tis permitted to brag, and no wonder!
For the moment sublime
In the annals of crime
Is the time when you share out the plunder!

Brigands: Yes, we stoutly declare
That there’s naught to compare
With the time when you share out the plunder!

Pietro: Here’s a fat leather purse—
How the fellow did curse
When I told him to ‘Stand and deliver!’
Yes, that partly explains
Why I blew out his brains,
And then threw his remains in the river!

Tonio: See this gunmetal watch!
Well, it’s owner was Scotch.
And it’s odd how her loss seemed to rankle!
For she fought such a lot,
That before she was shot
She had bitten me thrice in the ankle!

Brigands: Oh, it’s rather a shock
When you’re pinching a clock
To be bitten three times in the ankle.
Tonio What about you, chief? I’ll bet you’ve a story to tell?

Baldassare: I abstracted this brooch
From a girl on a coach,
And her look of reproach quite upset me!
She was really so sweet
I could feel my heart beat,
I’d have knelt at her feet—if she’d let me!
When this jewel she took
From a bosom that shook
Though surprised you may look when you learn it,
I … I blushed and grew hot,
Fell in love on the spot.
And completely forgot to return it!

Brigands: It’s worth a good lot,
And remorse is such rot!
It’s as well you forgot to return it!

Harry Graham (1874-1936)

Beppo: Though curs may quail
And cowards turn tail
At a moment of failure and sorrow,
Our hearts are true,
And courage anew,
Baldassare, from you we can borrow!
For hand in hand
We can withstand
What foes have planned for the morrow,
And find a way.
Without delay
To make the most of today!

Sing hey! Sing ho!
Take no thought for the morrow!

Brigands: Sing ho! Sing hey!
There’s no day like today!
(They raise their glasses)
Baldassare!

Harry Graham (1874-1936)

Citizens: We’re gathered here
From far and near
To greet our new dictator!
Though no one’s met
Our governor yet
We hope to see him later.
And when today
He comes this way.
He’ll find us here to greet him;
Both high and low
We’ll join to show
Both high and low
We’ll join to show
How glad we are to meet him!

We hope the man selected
Is rich and well connected,
A simple sort
Who’s fond of sport
And not the least affected!
We’ve made all preparation
To give him an ovation
We long to see
This unknown he,
For all agree
That he will be
The idol of the nation!

Gianetta: Deck every street with bunting and banners!
Dress yourselves neatly, brush up your manners!
Trouble we’ll take to act with discretion,
Hoping to make a good impression;
And in quite the choicest phrases
We delight to sound his praises!
Yes, indeed, we’ll welcome him gladly,
For we need a new governor badly!

They all dance.

Citizens: We’re gathered here
From far and near…

General Malona enters with his attendant, Crumpet.

General: For many a year l’ve ruled the land,
But not with much success!
The public all despise me, and
I’m laughed at by the press!

Citizens: Yes!

General: I leave today in deep disgrace,
My office I vacate,
And my successor takes his place
As governor of the state!

Citizens: Hurrah! Hooray!
He comes today
As governor of the state!

General: To capture Baldassare’s band
Was my especial charge,
But though all sorts of plots I planned,
That scoundrel’s still at large!

Citizens: Yes!

General: For while I swore no more he’d rob,
The public wouldn’t wait,
And that was how I lost my job
As governor of the state!

Citizens: That’s why, no doubt,
They kicked him out
As governor of the state!

Harry Graham (1874-1936)

Teresa: Poor captive—so you say!
I might be rich and free,
If I would but betray
The friends who trust in me!
Vain is the web your cunning weaves;
What care I for rewards, reprieves,
For bribe or threat?
Ah! don’t forget:
There’s honour among thieves!

Whate’er befall
I still recall
That sunlit mountainside,
Where hearts are true,
And skies are blue,
And love’s the only guide!
If faithful to my trust I stay
No fate can fill me with dismay;
Love holds the key
To set me free,
And love will find a way!

The punishments you plan
No fears within me raise;
Take, break me, if you can,
My word unbroken stays!
’Tis but the coward who deceives
The friend that in his faith believes,
Do what you will,
I tell you still:
There’s honour among thieves!

Whate’er befall …

Harry Graham (1874-1936)

Citizens: Save us from Baldassare!
The king of crime.
Save us from Baldassare!
You’re just in time.
Save us from Baldassare
And all his gang!
Save us, save us! Save us!
Save us from Baldassare!
Long may he hang!

Baldassare: Well, sir, without conceit I can say there is no one more able to save you from Baldassare than I am.

Citizens: Hurrah!

Baldassare: I tell you with all the sincerity I possess, I am prepared, if necessary, to give up my life for Baldassare.

Citizens: Bravo!

Baldassare: But leave that scoundrel to my friends here; they are even more anxious about him than you are.

Tonio: I shall burst a blood vessel in a minute!

Mayor: Your Excellency has our complete confidence.

Citizens: He’ll know the reason why.
Hurrah! Hurrah!
Then we’ll give three cheers
For the Governor! Our Governor!
May he live for years!
Our Governor! Lord Governor!
We proudly stand, Hurrah!
On either hand,
To greet the Governor, our Governor
Who comes to rule the land!
Then it’s hail! All hail!
Great Governor, Lord Governor!
May no foes assail
Our Governor! Lord Governor!
Oh welcome date! Hurrah!
Oh kindly fate!
We greet so loyally, right royally.
The Governor of the State!

Harry Graham (1874-1936)

General: The longer that I stay with you
The more I do dislike you!

Tonio: I’ve seldom met a man I fancied less!

General: You’ve got a sort of way with you
That makes me want to strike you!

Tonio: I’d pull your nose for sixpence, I confess!

General: When my eye gleams dark and chill,
And my chin grows squarer still,
Then it’s time to make your will
Without delay!

Tonio: When my wisdom teeth I show,
That’s the danger sign you know.
If you’re wise you’ll quickly go
The other way!

General: Have a care, my lad! Have a care!

Tonio: I’m not afraid of you!

General: Steady there! Steady there!

Tonio: Pish! Tush! and also Pooh!

General: When my blood grows hot
I’m a regular Turk
I’m an ogre for a fight!

Tonio: Then I tell you what,
There’ll be dirty work
At the crossroads tonight!
In matters of morality
I can’t commend your habits!

General: That’s pretty hot from you, upon my soul!

Tonio: And as for your mentality
Your brain is like a rabbit’s!

General: Perhaps that’s why I’m often in a hole!

Tonio: You remind me of a pet
I once had—a marmoset;
I can almost see it yet
When you’re in view!

General: Well, there’s nothing odd in that.
Why, I’ve seen a sewer rat,
Who, suppose he’d worn a hat,
Looked just like you!

Tonio: Have a care, my lad! Have a care!

General: You make me laugh—ha! ha!

Tonio: Steady there! Steady there!

General: Pshaw! Pooh! and likewise Bah!

Tonio: I’m a dead hot shot
When I draw my dirk
And I roll my sleeves up tight!

General: Then I tell you what,
There’ll be dirty work
In the old home tonight!

Harry Graham (1874-1936)

Vittoria: I used to trust my husband, though I know the neighbours
talked!

Tonio: It don’t take much to set the neighbours talking!

Vittoria: But now I’ve found him out—the biggest rogue that ever walked!

Tonio: Oh, don’t say that! I’m sure he hated walking!

Vittoria: To please this gay deceiver,
I worked just like a beaver.

Tonio: And he, perhaps, was busy ‘damming’ too!

Vittoria: All his follies I forgave,
For I thought him, oh, so brave!

Tonio: He must have been!

Vittoria: Indeed!

Tonio: He married you!

Vittoria: Oh, marriage, what a fate!

Tonio: Oh, blessed single state!

Both: Husbands and wives!
Think of their lives—
Always together
In every sort of weather!

Tonio: I wonder
How the thunder
Anyone survives!

Vittoria: When the wives suspect the husbands.

Tonio: And the husbands fool the wives.
That’s it—keep on nagging!
First it’s one thing, then the other!

Vittoria: If you start your ballyragging,
I shall go straight home to mother!

Tonio: (aside) Oh, my goodness, how I hate her!
There’s no reason to get waxy!

Vittoria: Ev’ry night you come home later;

Tonio: I can never get a taxi!

Vittoria: Oh, so that’s your story, is it?

Tonio: It’s a simple explanation!

Vittoria: You’ve got no consideration
For the feelings of your wife!

Tonio: Then I had to pay a visit
To a bedridden relation!

Vittoria: I shall get a separation—

Both: What a life!

Vittoria: My husband quite neglected me if other girls were by!

Tonio: Ah, that was his mistaken sense of duty!

Vittoria: He’d such a guilty conscience, he would never meet my eye!

Tonio: Afraid of being blinded by your beauty!

Vittoria: While daily I grew thinner
He’d take them out to dinner!

Tonio: A harmless lunch at Lockhart’s or the zoo!

Vittoria: And altho’ I’m not strait-laced,
I could not admire his taste!

Tonio: Oh, don’t say that!

Vittoria: Why not?

Tonio: He married you!

Vittoria: Yet marriage might be fun,

Tonio: If two fond hearts were one!

Both: Husbands and wives!
Wonderful lives
When they’re together
It’s always lovely weather!

Tonio: Sun’s shiny
When their tiny
Family arrives!

Vittoria: If the wives adore the husbands,

Tonio: And the husbands spoil the wives!

Harry Graham (1874-1936)

Tonio: I’m a model of discretion,
And I’m quick to take a hint.
It’s a very useful faculty, I find.
From a fellow-man’s expression
I can tell in half a squint,
Just exactly what is passing in his mind.
Once I travelled on commission
For some life insurance firms,
And I called upon a friend of mine one day
And I gave a disquisition
On the value of our terms,
And I pressed him to insure without delay!
I showed him how t’would benefit his heirs, if not himself.
He merely took a heavy life-preserver off the shelf.
He didn’t say he wouldn’t, and he didn’t say he would,
He didn’t have to say a single word—
I understood.

As a youth of two-and-twenty
I’d a little love affair
With a maiden who was all a girl should be.
I’d no money; she had plenty;
We’d have made a perfect pair,
And I told her so one evening after tea.
Yes, I asked her very nicely
If she’d deign to be my bride,
And she heard me out with patience to the end.
I can’t recollect precisely
What it was that she replied,
But I know it had a noncommittal trend!
She didn’t say exactly that she wouldn’t be my wife.
She spoke of my appearance, of my morals and past life.
She didn’t say she wouldn’t, and she didn’t say she would,
But when she took the muzzle off the dog—
I understood.

I’m extremely fond of racing
Of the free-and-easy sort,
And there’s nothing I don’t know about a horse.
You may often see me gracing
Little meetings where there’s sport,
Where I do a bit of betting on the course.
On the day that ‘How’s Your Father’
Won the Monte Carlo Cup
I had backed the mare at twenty-five to one!
Was I pale and nervous? Rather!
Till they put the ‘All Right’ up,
Then I started for the bookie with a run!
He didn’t in so many words repudiate the bet,
But he seemed to be suggesting that we’d never even met!
He didn’t say he wouldn’t pay, he didn’t say he would,
But when he asked the clerk to hold his coat—
I understood.

I’ve a pal who’s well provided
With the necessary cash;
He in fact is very opulent indeed,
And last summer I decided
That I’d like to have a dash
At relieving him of what he didn’t need!
I was absolutely stony
So I telephoned my friend,
And I asked him—though I felt a trifle shy—
If he’d lend me, say, a pony [i.e. £25]
Just to cover the weekend.
Then I anxiously awaited his reply!
He didn’t quite refuse me, or pretend he hadn’t heard.
He simply took his own receiver off without a word!
He didn’t say he wouldn’t lend, he didn’t say he would,
But when Exchange kept shouting ‘Line’s engaged’—
I understood.

Harry Graham (1874-1936)

Teresa: So that’s it? Very well, my friend,
Too long I’ve stood your slights, your scorning!
I’ve borne enough. This is the end!
Listen to me, and don’t pretend
I didn’t give you warning!
There’s only one thing I’ve to say:
You will not love, then you shall fear me!
Either you come with me today
Or Baldassare I’II betray!
That’s plain enough. D’you hear me?

Beppo: Teresa! What on earth!

Tonio: I say!

Teresa: Don’t interfere. Your choice?

Baldassare: I stay!
As for the rest, it’s your affair!

Teresa: Take care!
You want to know where Baldassare is?

Crowd: Oh tell us, pray!

Teresa: Perhaps he’s not so very far away!
And to His Excellency here
His hiding-place I’ll show,
If he will be my cavalier,
And come with me.

Baldassare: No! No!

Teresa: You must!

Baldassare: I cannot go!

Teresa: Think twice ’ere you refuse!
Do you prefer your liberty to lose?

Baldassare: I will not stir!

Teresa: Then, for the last time, choose
’Twixt me and … her!

Beppo: Teresa, come what may
I trust you still,
Your chief you’ll not betray?

Teresa: I will!

Beppo: Are you a traitor who deceives
The friend who in your faith believes?
Surely not! Have you forgot:
There’s honour among thieves.

General: Come, come, we’re wasting time! My dear
I’m glad you’ve learnt discretion.
We’re all quite ready now to hear
Your frank and full confession.
Where’s Baldassare? Solve our doubts.
Disclose his whereabouts!

Baldassare: One moment, please! ’Ere you obtain
This priceless information,
Pray, what will the informer gain
By way of compensation?
You’ll own her news is worth a bit …
You ought to pay for it!

General: A thousand francs!

Baldassare: Too little—much!

General: (counting out notes from his pocket-book) Ten thousand should be plenty!

Baldassare: No! More!

Teresa: Your money I’ll not touch!

General: Good! Then I’ll make it twenty!
Now, tell us what we want to know.
And then you’re free to go!

Crowd: Where oh where does Baldassare
Hide like a bear
Safe in his lair?
Soon we’ll snare this Baldassare!
Devil-may-care
Brigand, beware!

Angela: (to Teresa) Find and bind him, I implore you!

General: Then to freedom I’ll restore you!

Teresa: Baldassare stands before you!

Crowd: Where?

Teresa: There!

Crowd: Save us from Baldassare
And all his gang!

Angela: So you are Baldassare—You?

Baldassare: You tell me so! It must be true!

Angela: Robber and cheat! Your life a lie! Have you no word to say?

Baldassare: Only goodbye!
(He holds out his hand which she refuses to take)
I see! You can’t forgive today!

General: Arrest that man!
(Pointing to brigands)
And those as well!

Baldassare: Ah! No!
They’re innocent, I swear.
So let them go.

General: (To brigands) Tomorrow morning, at low tide,
Out to the Devil’s Isle you’ll journey,
There to be well and truly tried
And sentenced by the Lord Attorney!

Crowd: Sentenced by the Lord Attorney!

General: ’Tis there, beside the silver sea,
That guilt receives just retribution!
He points to Teresa
This young woman here shall be
Chief witness for the prosecution!

Crowd: Witness for the prosecution!
Come, give three cheers
For the Governor, our Governor!
May he live for years,
Our Governor, Lord Governor!
Oh, welcome date, hurrah!
Oh, kindly fate!
We greet so loyally,
Right royally,
The governor of the state.

Teresa: Oh, Baldassare, Oh, Baldassare.
Forgive … I didn’t mean … I never planned …

Baldassare: I understand.
Such things, you know, must be!
Don’t bother about me!
We’ve had some fun together in the past!
One can’t expect those happy times to last.
No need for you to be upset.
There, there! Cheer up! Don’t fret!

Teresa: Oh, Baldassare! Oh, Baldassare!
… by any luckless maid!
Farewell. The old familiar ties are broken,
The old friendships fade!
Farewell! Farewell!

Harry Graham (1874-1936)

Fisherfolk: When each day the tides are ebbing and flowing,
O’er the bay you’ll find us fishermen rowing!
Hour by hour we’re toiling,
Neptune’s bow’r despoiling!
Here and there
Each net and snare
We sew,
Cruising to and fro
With our lines in tow.

While on shore with hearts impatiently yearning,
We implore the Fates to speed their returning:
Welcomes planning
All together,
Closely scanning
Wind and weather.
Ev’ry cloud to us appears a foe!

When our labours end
Of heaving and hauling,
Then our way we wend
When night time is falling.
Home across the waters,
Where our wives and daughters
Wait, joyous greetings to bestow.

Nets are coiled
And broken tackle is mended.
Kettles boiled
And hungry mariners tended.
Till next morning,
Nothing dreading,
Dangers scorning,
Northwards heading,
Back to sea we go.

Harry Graham (1874-1936)

General: Good people, gather round, I pray,
And listen, all enraptured,
While I describe the clever way
That Baldassare yesterday
By me alone was captured!

Citizens: By him alone was captured.

General: To nab this chap
I laid a trap,
So skilfully I hid it,
I schemed so well,
That in he fell,
And that was how I did it!

Citizens: Yes, that was how he did it!
Hooray! What fun!
Oh, ain’t he quick and clever!
Poor Baldassare’s day is done!
He’s put in quod for ever!

Teresa: Spare, oh spare him, I implore you!
Humbly here I kneel before you!
Prison I will gladly face
If you’ll let me take his place!
Dungeons dark for him I dread.
Won’t you punish me instead?

General: Too late! Entreaties are in vain!
Your prayer I must rebuff!
Today at sunset you’ll regain
Your freedom! That’s enough!

Citizens: Hurrah! Hooray!
Our governor is so clever!
Poor Baldassare’s had his day,
He’s locked away for ever!

Harry Graham (1874-1936)

Vittoria: I shall feel quite broken-hearted
When my loved one’s far away!

Tonio: When my darling has departed,
Then the outlook will be grey!

Vittoria: Though your path with hardships bristles
And your life’s a bed of thistles,
You must write me long epistles!

Tonio: I shall cable every day.

Vittoria: Think of me, all lonely, sitting
In a flat that’s meant for two!

Tonio: You must start a bit of knitting,
It’s the only thing to do.

Vittoria: Work they say’s a great consoler.
I shall buy a pianola.

Tonio: When I push the prison roller
I shall always think of you!
For when you’re over there, and when I’m over here
Oh, the world will be bare and the prospect drear.

Vittoria: For when you’re over here, and when I’m over there,
I shall gaze with a tear at your empty chair.

Both: It’s a sad, sad fate
For a man and his mate
When one’s over there.
And when one’s over here.

Vittoria: Over there!

Tonio: Over here!

Both: Oh, dear!

Vittoria: Though I may behave quite gaily,
You will never be forgot.

Tonio: I shall think about you daily,
When the afternoons are hot!

Vittoria: If I lunch with Cousin Billy,
At the Piccadilly Grilly
I shall order bread and skilly …

Tonio: That will comfort me a lot!

Vittoria: When I pick your favourite flowers,
Every week I’ll send a few …

Tonio: I shall spend some anxious hours
When the mails are overdue.

Vittoria: Though your bitter tears may soak ’em.
In your buttonhole pray poke ’em.

Tonio: Every day when I pick oakum,
I shall pick a piece for you!
For when I’m over here, and when you’re over there,
Any small souvenir I shall guard with care!

Vittoria: Yes, when I’m over there, and when you’re over here,
I shall tear out my hair by the roots, I fear!

Both: It’s a sad, sad fate
For a man and his mate
When one’s over there
And when one’s over here.

Vittoria: Over there!

Tonio: Over here!

Both: Oh, dear!

Harry Graham (1874-1936)

Fisherfolk: When each day the tides are ebbing and flowing,
O’er the bay you’ll find us fishermen rowing!
Hour by hour we’re toiling,
Neptune’s bow’r despoiling!
Here and there each net and snare we sew,
Cruising to and fro
With our lines in tow.

While on shore with hearts impatiently yearning,
We implore the fates to speed their returning.
Welcomes planning
All together,
Closely scanning
Wind and weather,
Every cloud to us appears a foe!

Teresa: Baldassare, take that boat quickly—and go.

Baldassare: And what becomes of you, Teresa?

Teresa: Me? I’m going back to where I was happiest.
I’m going back to the mountains—they understand me.
Goodbye Baldassare, and I hope you will always be happy.

Baldassare: That entirely depends on you.

Teresa: How can I matter?

Baldassare: You’re the only thing in the world that does. Since I’ve been here a prisoner, I only remembered those days we spent together in the mountains. I realized in my loneliness those were the happiest days of my life, that they and you were all that matters to me.

Teresa: Baldassare!

Baldassare: Teresa … my maid of the mountains!